Ever wondered how your life could have turned out?

Slightly weird experience stumbling on the blog of the wife of a man I could so easily have married 10 years ago. It would have been so much easier to think of her simply as a trolley dolly but alas, she sounds like a great mum and writer too – dammit! Reading about their glamorous, jet-set life together filled with exotic holidays and obvious deep affections towards each other and their daughter is actually heartwarming. And what a beautiful, model-like family they are too. Strangely – though some might not believe me – I’m not jealous reading the blog which is actually mostly about fashion, only a little sad that he and I have become so distant. We were the best of friends for a long time but that had to change when each of us found our future partners. It sent me into a pleasant reverie of when he and I were part of each other’s day-to-day and shared similar such fun and extravagant experiences… But fortunately, I can still remember why I chose my now husband over him.  For all his lack of romance, gifts and surprise holidays, these days, he has far more to teach me about who I really am and what I want from my life.  He is a good man with a generous heart looking to change the world for the better.  Someone I love and admire greatly.  Plus we have two gorgeous boys I happen to adore. What more could a girl want?

A self-pep talk for a New Year starting now!

Getting out there means toughening up
Learning to bounce off bulldozers
And dance gracefully with regret
Taking risks; making mistakes
Finding the path that’s right for you
And never giving up once you’ve found it
Always looking forward to your next move
No looking back, unless drawing on lessons learned
Quit making excuses.
Accept those on the sidelines will criticise you
Let them. It’s probably the closest they’ll come to living their own dreams –
Don’t get involved: move on.
The road from wishful thinking to living your dreams is paved with action and compassion
Life starts and ends with your next step.
Get moving, be kind and remember to breathe 🙂

Balancing Act

This is life.
There is nothing balanced about it
Every fragile item piled up on itself; ready to topple
Held in place by invisible bonds
Firm one moment, flimsy the next
Why are we afraid to drop what we can no longer hold?

Now or Never: part 2.

After a day of letting my inner brat run riot yesterday,
today feels like a clear new day – even though the weather is actally grey and cloudy.
I sat down to meditate,
listening to the gentle patter of rain on the roof and the leaves outside.
My mind stilled and expanded with the light of potential – not at all like yesterday.
Today brought a beginners mind and a quiet sense of confidence that answers would flow naturally when the time was right.
Like a rainbow appearing in an overcast sky, inspiration struck.
Then came the downpour:
Ideas for Act II flooded my mind
Wonderful, magical and inspired; they filled my creative bucket until it overflowed.
Feeling happy again,
even though I know this too shall pass before very long…
But while it’s here I’m furiously taking down notes.

Now or Never

If forced to declare a character flaw I’m not proud of, it would likely be my long term, intermittent affliction of ‘need it now’ syndrome.
Paradoxically, I also believe ‘all good things come to those who work hard and persist’.
Now there’s a recipe for inner conflict.
I love watching other people achieve their long held ambitions – I get quite emotional about it.
But I struggle to explore and therefore understand my own bouts of impatience.
I just don’t have the… ehem…
Patience!
When it flares up, I turn into a stroppy teen who thinks the whole world owes her something, like, yesterday!
I hate her attitude.
Ninety five percent of me knows that life delivers what I really need when I really need it but try telling her that.
Nope she has her own agenda and she’s sticking to it.
But I know I need to take the time to make friends with my inner brat or I’ll never finish writing my book which happens to be about — yes, you guessed it —
Impatience!
Oh the irony…

Frustrations, ego tricks and new sticks

It’s funny how the lessons we teach others often come back to bite us
My son and I went for a walk to the woods yesterday
He loves finding long sticks he can wave around or ride like a horse
On this particular day he found a great stick which he charged around on
Unfortunately within minutes he had broken it
He was devastated and begged me to fix it
Seeing his distress I decided to use it as an opportunity to teach him a valuable lesson
“Rowan, this stick is broken and I can’t fix it but all it means is there is an even better stick waiting for you to find it,” I said.
He seemed to like this idea and immediately set about finding a better stick
He found one straight away
Not that it was bigger or better, at least not as far as I could tell
But because it was new and different and it made him feel better
A few hours after we got home I spoke to my husband who told me some frustrating news
I tried to stay calm about it for his sake
But as soon as I put the phone down I leapt on my high horse and torturously went over it in my mind
Dredging up a load of history as I trawled through
Too distracted to sleep, I emptied the dishwasher and put the recycling bins out
As I walked outside I was struck by the clear night sky
The piercing bright stars snapped me out of my gloom and transported me up high
I imagined looking down on the situation and felt instantly calmer and lighter in my heart
‘This situation will blow over,’ I told myself. ‘Of course it will’
I thought about my son for a moment and went back inside
Happy that I too had found a new stick that day

Restricted Anger

Anger strikes and confusion swarms
A stream of pain cuts through thick layers of pent up history
Shrouded by darkness, emotion festers blurring all logic
Waiting, longing for someone to trigger its deepest fury
But the Light, the Light will grow from even the darkest pit
And the pain will be transformed

Image by Chris Harder
Words by Zoe Basil

Exposing my privates

There, that got your attention! We just got back from holidaying in Dorset which was wonderful (don’t panic I’m not about to bore you with my holiday slides). There was lots of walking, fresh air and insights. Getting away inspired plenty for me to write about, but where to begin?

Think I’ll start with my deepest fears, then the heavy stuff’s out of the way at least!  Sorry if you were expecting me to ‘show, not tell’ from the title – but I can assure you the information I’m about to impart is just as revealing from my perspective.

My top fears:
– Being judged as a bad mother
– Being perceived as a phony person/writer
– Expressing my authentic voice through speaking & writing, in case I am perceived as stupid
– Admitting I often try to cover up these fears by pretending to be confident instead so no one realises I’m really a fraud. Ouch (judo punch to my Ego!).

Phew, glad I got those off my chest and now I can relax a little and let down my guard a tiny bit more.  Do these fears sound familiar at all? It’s funny how just by admitting them publicly they suddenly seem quite normal, maybe a little boring even. That’s the power of fessing up. So what have I learned from hanging out my dirty undies in public on this occasion? That I need to take responsibility for putting myself out there a lot more, regardless of what others may think of me.  It’s no coincidence that is also the theme and message I’m trying to shoehorn into my book. That says it all really. Or as I often like to say: everyone’s a hypocrite – especially me!

The Greatest Game Changer of All

It’s staggering how your perspective can transform when you step off life’s merry-go-round, for even a moment, and consider your own mortality. We had a visit from a will planning adviser today. It turned out to be an eye-opening experience, which neither of us was quite prepared for. Not being homeowners, our main asset is my husband’s business which has only been running for just over a year. Despite its fledgling status, it is doing extremely well but, and this is a big BUT, were he to fall into a coma tomorrow then currently no one (including me) would have power of attorney to take control of it. This realisation came as quite a jolt, given I am not currently earning and number two Basil is due next month. A lot of people think that if you are married then making a will is less important – making the assumption that everything will automatically fall to their spouse or vice versa. But without a formal will in place, there is a lot that can go wrong. And it’s even more complicated if both of you die at the same time.

Lecture aside; and on a more philosophical note, I also noticed a significant shift in my outlook post meeting. Somewhere along the line my priority reset button had been hit, since the morning. An issue, which only hours before had seemed to be a big deal for me, quietly took its leave of absence. By late afternoon, I could barely remember the details of what it was or what had even triggered the annoyance in the first place.

Death, as I see it, is a great leveller for the mind, and a powerful tool for bringing the ego back into line. After all what use is a grudge if you are no longer around to hold it? In fact, what use is a grudge if you are, for that matter?

Today’s meeting was a valuable lesson for me as to what is really important in life. From tomorrow, I intend to build this insight into my daily meditation practice and as a general reminder to be more mindful, moment to moment. The thought of death is a daunting prospect; but it is also a powerful game changer if you are willing to sit with it quietly and allow its lessons to permeate your awareness. Would you be comfortable with your current choices, if you were to die tomorrow? Just a thought…

The Evolution of Beauty

When we perceive ourselves through the shallow lens of our youth, we are blind to the rich beauty of wisdom and experience smiling back at us.